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ashton miles

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[Oct 2, 2006 ; 8:56pm]
i'm not alright. i'm anything but that. here's whyCollapse )

monday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
tuesday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
wednesday: fruit day. one apple and a few blueberries. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
thursday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
friday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
saturday: a limit of 500 calories. fruits/vegetables/kashi only. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
sunday: a limit of 300 calories. fruits/vegetables/kashi only. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.

exercise regimen:
run everyday. no matter how tired i am. even if it is just for a little bit.
pilates when i have the time.
fitTV when i have the time.

summary:
no food monday, tuesday, thursday, or friday.
fruit day one wed.
saturday = 500 calories.
sunday = 300 calories.
RUN EVERY DAY.
read (2) comment

[Oct 1, 2006 ; 5:48pm]
monday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.


tuesday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
wednesday: fruit day. one apple and a few blueberries. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
thursday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
friday: fasting; no food. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
saturday: a limit of 500 calories. fruits/vegetables/kashi only. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.
sunday: a limit of 300 calories. fruits/vegetables/kashi only. starbucks light coffee for breakfast. no gum.

exercise regimen:
run everyday. no matter how tired i am. even if it is just for a little bit.
pilates when i have the time.
fitTV when i have the time.

summary:
no food monday, tuesday, thursday, or friday.
fruit day one wed.
saturday = 500 calories.
sunday = 300 calories.
RUN EVERY DAY.




comment

[Sep 25, 2006 ; 7:05pm]
good god i am so sick of this shit. i hate waking up with my hands on my hipbones, i hate having an anxiety attack just by watching my teacher eat a sandwich, and i especially hate coming home and binging but never being satisfied. goddammit. tuesday-friday = fasting. i'm allowing myself one fruit/vegetable a day. this will not backfire. i will not let this backfire. help me keep this from backfiring.

i think because carris is going through recovery some crazy part of me wants to do it with her. but this is all i know now. i don't know how to be a normal person. i don't know how to just go on with my day without thinking about food.

i have ocd and bdd so it wasn't a surprise to me when i developed an eating disorder. it's not like i did anything to stop it. i don't want to do anything; even now. i have come to the conclusion that i need to be perfect. i am more then happy with everything else in my life but i cannot get over this one thing. i cannot reach the "perfect" weight.

tell me anything that will motivate me. yell, scream, whatever. i need it more than anything.
read (5) comment

[Sep 20, 2006 ; 8:47pm]
i miss so much about starving myself. i miss getting dizzy when i stand up. i miss that empty, nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. i miss being envied. i miss have the strength to say "no". it was control. there is no feeling better than watching the numbers on the scale drop and having your size 0 jeans be too big. most of all i miss being called "sick".

is that really so bad? god, i want to go back.
read (3) comment

[Sep 19, 2006 ; 7:12pm]
i fasted yesterday, and because i alternate fast days i planned on eating today. and i definately went over 1000 calories. woe is me.

the scale says 125, though. to be on the safe side i am running tonight and then fasting until saturday morning. hopefully. i haven't fasted that long in ages.

school doesn't leave me with much time to update, so i'll just say good luck!

ps: message me on aim at sexymamarama!!
read (1) comment

[Sep 17, 2006 ; 12:18am]
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

my name is ashton miles and i'm addicted to onion rings.
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